I hate growing old. Every day, you wake up and something else has changed. This morning, I noticed my eyes are now disappearing into their sockets. When did that happen?
More importantly, why is it happening? And where are the beauty features in the glossies telling me how to deal with this?
Most annoying fashion tip gleaned from the September issues, (from InStyle magazine): 'Don't want your hair blowing in your face? Do the hair tuck.' This involves 'tucking your hair into your coat, a la the Margaret Howell catwalk show'.
Are these women insane? I wish that instead, over the years they'd told me I wouldn't always be young. That instead of worrying about stuff I should have enjoyed life, done things.
Equally laughable is the headline accompanying the interview with Louise Redknapp, in Red magazine: 'This is me at 35 and I like it.'
She is 35, not 90! She has money, a husband, children, but she is apologising for the fact she is still alive.
Thinking about my upcoming birthday, I pulled out a copy of Vogue from the month I was born: September 1958. Not one feature on dieting, exercise or plastic surgery. Not a single ad for hair colour.
The models are in their 40s and 50s. There are, though, lots of ads for girdles. That's more like it: cheaper and less bother than gym membership, and far less wear and tear on the face...
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